I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
