goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
