everyone is single if you try hard enough
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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