I'll bet she douches with gravy.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My vagina is officially offended.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
