Im at strip club and am horny
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
