The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
