This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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