$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
