So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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