My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
