I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
