I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
