she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
