he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
