if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
