Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
