Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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