so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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