Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
