Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
God, I missed his penis.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
