Pappa wants mamma naked
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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