i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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