i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
