I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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