no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
