So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
