You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
why didn't you poke me back
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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