There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
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my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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