Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
