tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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