I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
