Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
