It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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