Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
