Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
