I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
