she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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