i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
