Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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