Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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