You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
