I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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