So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
