I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
