but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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