theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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