Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
