Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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