I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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