Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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