Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i out mim tonsoeep
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
