Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
