i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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