another moral hangover. fuck.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
