it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
