wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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