guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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