It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
