We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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