My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
