we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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