Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Alive.
So much puke
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
