so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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