I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
