shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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