I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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