I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
