just tell him i said nine months
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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