Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
