now i know why i became what i already was.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
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It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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